Nearly here

So my operation is nearly here, its Monday afternoon and I am on my lunch break at work. Got this afternoon, and all day tomorrow and then I am not back into work until Monday (hopefully).

I am still waiting to hear from Sarah as to what time the chaffeur is coming to pick me up.

I am going to get my medication from the doctors this evening and also build up shakes for after the operation as I wont be able to eat anything proper for 6 weeks. Liquid only diet for 2.

I went to see as many people as I could at the weekend. Just in case, you know what, happens. Releasing that you have not left much as a legacy to the world is a bit cr*ppo to be honest. So when im better (if YKWhat doesnt happen) then I am going to try and make a bit more time to make an impact on the world, and at least be remembered for something.

Roll on a new life. Fighting spirit and all.

Sami x

Struggling with cravings

I am really struggling with my cravings for food at the moment. Its tough going around the supermarket and seeing things I will never probably eat again, or at least in the quantities that I normally do.

But I am living on in hope that this will make it easier for me when I have had the surgery done. It has to, right..?

Dad has a date for his knee surgery now, so I have to be up and fighting fit for him too.

I am going to miss work for the couple of days that I am off, hoping that I will be able to go back to Work on the Monday - saves me losing holiday and getting out of the loop on things - which I hate.

I am so hungry right now, and its really draining all of my energy. An early night might be in order tonight I think.. that wont make the BF happy...

Anyway, onwards and upwards, as they say:

''THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER''.... or at least this is what I hope!!

I am living in major irrational fear that they are going to cut me open and find cancer, or something else wrong, that I am missing something!

Irrational, but powerful, and enough to make me quake in my size 9 shoes :(

Counting down the days now, till I am me again. Like I never have been before.. x

Ticker 19.10.2011 Start

9 Days to go

So, I have 9 days to go. My nerves seem to have disappeared today. The reality of what is coming is slowly starting to hit me. I start my pre-op diet tommorrow to shrink my liver. Low fat, low carbs, low everything basically.

So my starting weight at the beginning of this is 18 stone 3 lbs. I will keep you updated with my weight loss and how I am doing throughout the process.

I am so excited. Words cannot describe. x

10 Days to go

So this is the start of my journey. I have decided to have my gastric band. £6,000 paid, and 10 days to wait. I am nervous to say the least, but I am so looking forward to the many years of happiness that I am going to give myself by doing this.

This isnt a quick fix. This isnt a magic wand. This is an opportunity for a new start, a new life, a new me.. x